We probably worry about certain bedroom issues a lot more than we should. But distinguishing between problems that are no big deal and ones that can eventually derail your sex life is a tricky business.
Here, sex therapists list some of the commonest worries people have about their sex lives that aren’t worthy of your worrying.
• He loses his erection: If a spouse loses his erection, many women feel it’s because they’re not attractive enough or that they’re doing something wrong in bed. But that’s not the case.
Clinical sexologist, Dr. Dawn Michael, says the issue may have to do with performance anxiety. In other words, the man is afraid he might not please you in bed and goes limp because of the fear.
So, encourage him to focus his energy on pleasing you, and it will relieve the pressure on him.
• Inability to reach orgasm: There are plenty of things that can temporarily prevent an orgasm — stress, an argument, or hormonal fluctuations.
The way round it is to engage in longer foreplay to give yourselves longer time to unwind.
• Your sex drives are out of sync: There may be a problem if either of you prefers to have sex in the daytime while the other prefers night time.
There may also be problem if one of you wants to do it all the time and the other doesn’t.
Staff sexologist, Dr. Carol Queen, counsels that the best thing you can do is to respect the fact that your engines are different and plan accordingly.
• You’re not as turned on by your partner as you used to be: It’s super common for that crazy-in-love early relationship energy to wear off the longer you’re with someone.
The only time this is a red flag is if it makes it hard for you to be sexual with your partner. But if things are still hot, just not boiling hot, you’re in good shape, experts say.
There are plenty of ways you can heat things up again, including learning new moves and playing into each other’s fantasies.
• Your sexual preferences are totally different. He loves a blowjob more than anything, but you hate it — it happens.
But the only time this becomes a problem is if you don’t communicate about your differences, or worse, perpetually put off your own needs for the sake of his.
There can often be resolve, so long as you discuss your sexual preferences regularly, says board-certified clinical sexologist, Dr. Debra Laino.
“As a matter of fact, couples can be playful about their differences, such as asking for their preferences on special days.” It’s all about give and take.